Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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