i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize