I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
