he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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