I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
