can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
