I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
