No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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