i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
