I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize