Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
