I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
