Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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