so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
