don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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