i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
