I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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