Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize