I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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