I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
