eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
