i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
