god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
