I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
