Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
