just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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