Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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