I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
