Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
