the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
