i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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