I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
