she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize