I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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