i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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