i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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