Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You ate ashes out of my bong
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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