I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
