she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
