I wish I could teleport
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
