@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
