God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
