omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
