As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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