I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
