I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
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