Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
