It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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