there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
