Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
