my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
only you would photoshop your dick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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