That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My vagina is officially offended.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
