it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
