Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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