I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
