My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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