everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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