Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
