Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
