Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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