Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize