Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
