she was so not down for the gang bang
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
