He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
