WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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