She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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