tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
