don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
