It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
