I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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