and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
