Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize